When I was in my early twenties, I've always fantasized what it's like to live alone. I've always daydreamed of the independent life, paying my own bills, doing my own groceries and you know, those stuff adults do. Turns out, now that I am actually living solo, that it is not all rainbows and roses. I miss my mom's cooking so much that I've listed 'cooking skills' in my criteria for a partner. Silly, right? That's what living alone does, sometimes it kicks your brain into a crazy overdrive because you only have your insane self to talk to.
It's not that bad actually, especially for someone like me who enjoys solidarity like a hot cup of warm cocoa on a rainy day. I can go on for weeks without speaking to someone (I actually did just recently, and I am happy to say I'm still sane), I enjoy doing my groceries and shopping alone, I enjoy discovering new places to eat and the list goes on.
With my early twenties wish coming true, thanks to the unyielding support from my family, I want to share the gems I've unearthed from living alone. I know that this little blog here will help those who are currently on the same channel as me and to those who are attempting to in the near future:
Yes, again and again we have read this cliche everywhere go. Believe me, when you start out on your own, you will realize that this is the most valuable lesson you will ever learn. Think about it. No one will be there when you collapse from over-fatigue. No one will fetch you medicine when you are coughing your lungs out and burning yourself from high fever. So please, my fellow solo-ers, do not overlook your health. Do not deprive yourself of sleep (I'm a bit guilty of this before), do not skip meals, drink your vitamins and see a doctor when you feel that something is not right. Yeah, I'm reminding you like your mom because that's how much you should care about your health. You work your bones out then lose your health in the process. What's the use of all the hard-work when it will all be flushed down the drain by your medical bills?
- Independence, Maturity and Discipline
Independence comes with maturity and discipline. Once you fly solo, you have no choice but to deal with every responsibility by yourself. You have no one to rely on and you have no one you can ask favors shamelessly from. The bitter reality, my friend, is you have to grow up a bit. You have to pay for your bills, you will learn how to wrestle with your budget, and you will need to do all your laundry, dishes, cooking and cleaning.. You have no one to blame when you lose things because you are the only one who knows where everything should be and you can't pin on anyone if you have nothing to wear tomorrow because you forgot to do the laundry.
 |
I know it's just a silly pancake but I'm proud to say,
I've mastered the art of Pancakes and Perfect Brunch Sets |
When you venture to a land without a familiar face to seek comfort from and the language blocking you from saying what you really want to say, you will surprise yourself with how much kindness can go a long way. I have so many accounts of receiving help from strangers ever since I came here in Okinawa. There was the kind taxi driver who helped me go home safely when the last trip of the bus from Chatan has left me stranded. In this cruel and merciless world, there are still those who have not lost their light. Here in Okinawa, you will find many of those rare kind of people. In return, I want to share that light too. In my little way, I could say that I've helped others too. It's a two way kind of thing I guess. When you help someone, you will receive the fruit of your kindness in some other way. Don't expect the same efforts to be returned though. It does not work that way.
 |
| Kindness should be planted like trees everywhere you go. |
If you are like me, you'll understand how hard it is to accept help from others. There are things that you won't be able to do when you are on your own. Back when I was in the Philippines, I tried to do everything by myself, I deflected help and believed that I don't need anyone. When I came here in Japan, that changed. This is one of the hardest realities I have learned to accept, I learned to hold the hand reaching out to me and did my best to return the favor. It is not that bad, just think of being a part of the system that circulates little acts of kindness around.
 |
| The Humility to accept such cute ice creams! |
- The Value of Family and Real Friends
Nostalgia is a double-edged sword - at times it will drive you crazy, while it will push you to realize who you care for the most and who cares as much for you in return. I learned who among my friends genuinely cares about me and how much my family loves me. Distance can't keep you apart from the people who cares about you with all their heart.
 |
| I call this - The Wall of Sanity. |
My Pen Master, as I fondly call Him, is truly the only one I rest all my worries on. He led me to this path and I trust in His Plans for me. Ever since I came here in Okinawa, I could proudly say that I've only grown closer to God. I learned to walk on the path that He has chosen for me. Besides, when you are all alone, you can only rely on the One that will surely never let go of your hand, and that is God.
 |
I feel My Pen Master everywhere.
He is the sunset, the sky and the rivers that flows within me |
"You attract what you think." works wonders. It has brought me nothing but good things and has surprised me countless of times. How does it work, really? First, look around you. Find beauty in everything. Today, the sky is blue, the weather is fine and the birds are singing outside my room. That is enough to fill my heart with gratitude. When your heart is teeming with gratitude, you will feel alive and you attract only the good things. They kind of go hand-in-hand. Life is beautiful in spite of the peril it has in store for us. Besides, a life without difficulties is a boring one. I love long drives and road trips - this makes me feel alive the most. I love seeing the setting sun and the cold wind at night. Most of all, I love being alive. That is all need to feel eternally grateful.
 |
| The 2 hour long drive to Churaumi Aquarium |
This is one of the most valuable lessons I've learned. It took me 29 years before I finally learned this. Trust me, it is not as easy as you think. Loving yourself requires continuous forgiveness and acceptance of your imperfect self. There will be questions of why you failed at this or why you can't do this or why can't you be like that person. There will be a hundred of reasons to hate yourself, but there are a thousand and more to love yourself. You see, it is easier said than done. I am the kind of person who is afraid of saying 'no' and always put others before herself (Yes, I am a kind of a stubborn martyr) but if you keep doing it and deprive yourself of the things you deserve, then you will end up feeling unhappy, unimportant, undeserving of anything and unfulfilled (the list goes on with all of the word with un- prefix attached to it). It won't hurt to think of yourself once in a while. Besides, if you don't think that your are beautiful or strong, how would you conquer the challenges ahead of you? And not to the mention the hardships of the solo life? So promise me, from this day forward, you will try your utmost to love yourself, okay? Everything begins within you and so, why don't you start loving yourself a little bit more each day?
 |
| I love my imperfect self |
There we go, I hope you gain some valuable tidbits from this long piece I wrote. Thank you for reading all the way!
Just a thought:
One night when I was walking home after a hard day's work, I realized that one of the things I want to become is an inspiration. I may not be a Oprah or Angelina Jolie kind of advocate, but I want to bring light to those around me in my own little way. .
I hope that this blog bring a tiny bit of light into your night.
Until then.
Love,
Daphne ダフニー
