Day 2 Journaling Challenge

Before I start, here's a disclaimer: this journal entry is not a love story. Sorry to disappoint!

Today, I noticed this feeling of rookieness, thanks to this cute waiter/floor staff guy in this restaurant I went to for lunch. I noticed how frantic and clueless he was, going here and there, making mistakes here and there, and just plainly having a bad day at work.

I remember the days when I first held the wheel of a car and my first test drive on the road - sweaty palms, drumming heart, and pulse at 150 miles per minute.

I remember the time when I first held my very first class as a teacher. I am not the merry-type of person (not to be confused with marry) and I am not especially the one to strike a conversation first. My voice was shaking, my knees were trembling and I plastered this twitchy smile on my face the entire 60 minutes of my first ever English conversation class.

I remember my first day of being alone in a foreign country and my first time being so far away from my family. I second-guessed every decision made. Each day I thought I sucked at adulting and being responsible for myself.  And I hated my inability to do anything on my own. 

But guess what? I survived all of these!

As I was driving home tonight on the dark yet peaceful streets of Okinawa (save for my out-of-tune singing in the car), I looked at my hands clutching the wheel and realized "Wow! I can drive! It kinda felt like a dream, but I can drive!"

Not so long ago, I was overwhelmed and terrified of doing these things. It still feels like a dream but look at me now! It may be far from perfect but I'm doing it!

The stage of rookieness (okay, I'm coining this word) is a phase of total confusion and totally feeling stupid and helplessness and hating every part of you for not getting it right the first time. I totally understand cute guy's expression earlier - the expression of sheer flabbergast in a jungle of hungry Japanese people and a super busy kitchen. But let me tell you, just hang in there and try not to kick anyone's dog!

After you've thought you got the hang of everything and you're pass the stage of rookieness. You know, like when you're playing Snakes and Ladders or Dark Souls 2. You'd think, "wow! I'm almost in the finish line!" Then, you'll land on a snake and it will send you back to square 1 or an enemy boss would totally kick your ass after grinding all day and you'd realize that THIS IS DARK SOULS! WHO AM I KIDDING?!

No matter where we are in life, we'll experience so much rookieness that a week or a month (depending where you are on the board) won't be enough to tell all about it. 

I am still a rookie in life. Sometimes  Most of the time, it makes me want to pull all the hairs on my head and kick my neighbors noisy chihuahuas (Yes, you're not imagining it. There's more than one). Ironically, it gives me comfort too - that everyone else on the planet is a rookie like me who are trying to figure out where they're going and what they're doing.

And as for you cute guy, even though you totally sucked today, tomorrow, who knows, you might not suck so much. Until then, try not to mix up other people's orders. It's a good place to start.

You may be a rookie now, but tomorrow, who knows, maybe you'll be a rookie level 2 and that's not so bad! . If that gives you any comfort.

Proud of my beginner's mark